1 month old

I cannot believe my sweet baby girl is 1 month old today.  Where has the time gone.  I only have 2 weeks left until I'm scheduled to go back to work.  I'm hoping and praying that I can get approved for an additional 2 weeks.  I really don't want to go back to work.  I wish I could just stay home with her all the time and not have to go back to work.  In the last 10 months I have been apart from her for 2 hours.  


Its great to see how much she has changed in the last month.  She is now more vocal and will try to get out of getting burped by crying.  :)  My impatient little girl wants her food and she wants it now.  I love her more and more every day and feel so blessed to have her in my life.  I have forgotten what life was like before she came.  I can't remember the last time I slept through the night and I don't care.  I am so used to getting 3 hours maximum of sleep a night and can function totally fine.  

This little girl is my world and I am so in love with her!


-Mama Lucas

Being a mom is hard

I so badly want to breastfeed Peanut.  Lately she has been biting down while trying to nurse her and tonight it was so hard to just get through the feeding and make sure she got all that she needed.  It hurt so bad.  I was given advice previously that if needed I could give a bottle once and give my nipples  short break that was ok.  After trying to nurse her and her trying to latch aggressively and biting down almost right away I decided to go for her first bottle.  Then came the trouble of her not wanting to eat from the bottle.  So Grandma stepped in to feed her.  I never realized it would be so hard to give her the first bottle.  I like nursing even when it hurts so bad.  Its the one thing that only I can do for her.  Anyone can change her, or sing to her, or hug her and kiss her and give her cute nicknames.  As long as I was only breastfeeding it was only me that could provide that for her.  I don't know if that thought process stems from carrying her for 9 months but I like being the only one that can provide her with something.  I almost wanted to cry when I started to give her the bottle.  Like I should have been able to deal with the pain of breastfeeding and continue to do it.


Its not like I wasn't going to have to introduce a bottle at some point.  I have to go back to work in a few weeks so sooner or later it was bound to happen.  I was so unaware of how much it was going to affect me.  


I originally wrote this post on March 5th and debated on whether I wanted to post it or not.  Written in the middle of the night after waking up for a feeding.  This post is raw feelings and my biggest moment thus far of mom guilt I've heard so much about.  Its a lot easier now feeding her the bottle, however I still prefer to breastfeed and have gotten back to doing that more often than the bottle. 

I'm so strong

From in the hospital my little girl was lifting her head on her own.  When she would lay on my chest she would lift her head to move to the other side or she would lift to look up.  I finally have taken the video camera out and captured how strong my little 2.5 week old is.  

Daddy went back to base 2 days ago.  Its been an adjustment period not having him here.  The one thing that will make these next 8 months go by a little easier is having Skype.  At least then he can see his baby girl and she can see and hear her daddy.  

I'm so thankful to have the help of my family while daddy is away.  Having them here to help with Peanut is so great.  I have no idea how single moms do it alone.  I'm sure I could do it alone but it is nice not having to try.  

-Mama Lucas

I'm 2 weeks old!

My beautiful little Peanut is now 2 weeks old.  I can't figure out where the time has gone.  Seems like just yesterday she made her appearance.  At the doctor's appointment last week she hadn't gained any weight since discharge from the hospital, which wasn't a concern since she was only 4 days old.  She was expected to be back to her birth weight of 7 pounds 6 ounces by 2 weeks.  That means she needed to gain about 6.5 ounces.  I was a little worried.  Nursing hasn't been the easiest and I was unsure how much milk she was getting during each feeding.  At the hospital they were saying to feed every 2-3 hours.  She doesn't start giving signs until 3-4 hours.  So that made me a little nervous as well.  


Happy to announces Peanut was 7 pounds 12.7 ounces at her 2 week appointment.  I guess she is getting all that is needed.  She is in the 30th percentile (for those of you that understand that), for her weight so I'm a happy, proud mama.  Now I know to just trust my little girl about when she is hungry and trust that she is getting enough each time.  

Look how big I am!

It's funny how used to a newborn you get.  When they are first born they seem so tiny and you get so worried about moving them and carrying them.  For me, that didn't last that long.  Now I cart her around on one arm and multi-task like crazy.  It's almost like she is an extension of me :)


She is the perfect little baby.  We are so blessed to have her as our first.  I'm so in love with her :) :) :) :) :) 


-Mama Lucas

Sleep

"Sleep while you can."  That phrase annoyed me so much when I was pregnant.  Yes I know I need to get sleep when I can, I know I will be up feeding her multiple times a night.  No matter how much you tell me to sleep while I can it will not prepare me for what is to come.  This I know.


I was right.  It's not the easiest getting up every 2-3 hours to nurse.  Especially while we are still struggling at feeding.  You know what.  It doesn't matter.  I wanted this, I have wanted to be a mom for a long time.  I'm a part of a mothers online board and being there on enforces more that you need to be grateful for what you have.  I am happy to get up ever 2-3 hours to feed my baby.  Why, because she is here with me, happy and healthy.  One of the mothers of the board lost her twin boys by 26 weeks. This amazing mama still visits the board and shares in our joy of our babies even though her heart is broken about her two sweet little boys she will never know.  Another mama delivered her son at 25 weeks and he is still in NICU, having had a few surgeries in his short 16 weeks of life.  He was due 8 days before Peanut was due.  Of the 113 women on this board over 80 have had their babies and her baby is still in the hospital.  


So as hard as it is to wake up and live on so little sleep.  Every time I have to get up I tell myself that I am happy to do so.  I love my little Peanut so much, how can I be upset.  

How can you possibly be upset when you get to wake up and look into these beautiful blue eyes.  Doesn't matter how tired I feel.  When I get to look at this face it makes it all worth it.  I can live on just a few short moments of sleep a day knowing my baby is home with me where she belongs and she is healthy.  


And now that she is back asleep, I should head that way too...

SHE'S HERE!!!!

Our precious little girl has arrived.  She finally made her appearance on February 16, 2012 at 10:54pm weighing in at 7 pounds 6 ounces and 20 inches long.  She is more than we could have ever asked for.  


I was awaken by contractions at 2am.  I was unable to sleep because the contractions were keeping me awake.  Of course they were closer together when I was laying down not walking around, which made sleeping difficult.  Throughout the day the contractions were staying pretty irregular.  When I told Daddy Lucas at 5am that I was having contractions he immediately wanted to jump on a plane and fly up here.  However we had discussed previously that we would wait to make sure I was in labor.  So he reluctantly stayed.  All throughout the day I was timing the contractions but there was not real pattern except when I would try to lay down they would be about 5-6 minutes apart.  Finally around 2:30-3 the contractions were starting to get closer together in more of a pattern and lasting for 30-40 seconds.  Knowing that the last direct flight out of Kansas City was leaving at 7:25pm  I decided to head to the hospital to get checked.  While doing that Daddy Lucas could start his 2 hour drive to the airport and if I was admitted than he could catch the flight.  If I wasn't admitted then he could turn around and go back to base.  Leaving the house later than I planned I let Daddy Lucas know of the plan.  He finally got approval to leave but having to stop at home to get stuff and dealing with traffic leaving base he didn't leave Manhattan until 5:00pm.  


I arrived at the hospital to get checked out.  Turns out I was already 4cm dilated so I got admitted.  Now we just needed to beat the clock that was going against us and the plane.  


After getting situated in my room and having needles put into me I was just hoping and praying that he would catch his flight.  I knew by the times he was giving me on how far away he was that it was very likely that he would miss it.  He was set to arrive to the airport around 7:00.  That doesn't give much time to check in and get through security and get on the plane.  Daddy Lucas had called Delta and when he told them he would get there about 7:00 they said that they wouldn't issue the ticket because of how close the time was.  


During all this my contractions started to get stronger and stronger with less time in between.  I don't really know how much time was in between each contraction but it felt like less than a minute.  Sometimes I would get one and even before that would go down, another contraction would come.  They were so unbearable that I could barely focus to get through them.  Grandma Liekhus was a great coach helping me concentrate on breathing through them as much as I could.  I asked to be rechecked and when they told me I hadn't changed I had to decide if it was best for me to get an epidural or stick in my stubborn ways of "seeing how much I could take."  I decided if I had gone through those strong contractions and no progress was made I didn't know how long I could do that for.  Much less having the energy to push her out when the time came.  So I asked for the epidural.  


Right about this time Daddy Lucas let me know that they were holding the flight so he could get on.  He told them his wife was in the hospital and needed to get on that flight.  I was so relieved to hear that he was going to make it.  Know that he would be to the hospital in about 2 hours and from the progress I hadn't made I figured he would be there in time for her to come.  


Finally getting the epidural in and I was feeling a lot better.  Tried to rest a little but that didn't last long.  Daddy Lucas arrived around 9:50pm.  Probably around 10:15pm I started to feel when the contractions were coming.  So much for resting.  About 10 minutes later I asked to be checked because I was feeling lots of pressure from the contractions.  Not quite there, only 9 cms.  What I think had to be no more than 10 minutes following that I asked to be checked again.  Time to meet our baby girl!  After 7 contractions, less than 21 pushes and only 14 minutes Abigail Taylor Lucas was born.  She was absolutely beautiful and everything I could have ever wanted in a baby girl.  I got to hold her right away and never wanted to let her go.  I finally gave her up about an hour later to get her weight, measurements and to be looked over (only because I was curious).  After they were done with that Daddy took over stealing her.  At around 11:45 Grandpa Liekhus and Auntie were allowed into the room to meet her.  


The labor and delivery was nothing like I expected.  And that is exactly why when people would ask me what I was "planning" for labor, I would tell them I have nothing set in mind for sure.  You just never know what will change.  I didn't expect to only be in labor in the hospital for 6 hours, or active labor for 8.  Overall labor was 21 hours and like most women say, I don't remember the pain of labor.  She is the only thing that matters from it all.  

He's not in love at all!!

Daddy and Abby

And then there were 3

Rocking the Elvis look

Mommy and Abby

Nap time

-Mama Lucas

Almost there

6 days away from her due date.  Everything is physically ready for her to come.  Crib is set up, changing table up and ready, clothes washed and folded, hospital bags packed. 


I've been telling her that I'm ready for her to come but now with this horrendous cold I have found I'm telling her to wait until that goes away.  I really don't want to have to try to get through labor with all these symptoms I'm having.  Worst of all, this horrible chest cough that is going on.  Just need to overcome this and then I'm all set for this beautiful little girl to make her appearance.  


It has been an interesting last week and a half of Doctor appointments.  Went in for my weekly appointment on February 3rd and everything was looking great.  Dr said she was 90% sure that baby was head down but 90% wasn't good enough for her if I were to go into labor now.  She went and got the portable ultrasound machine to check to make sure she was head down, which she was.  However Dr. wasn't seeing much fluid and wanted to get me in to have the fluid levels checked.  They got me in for an appointment in 15 minutes.  Included in the ultrasound was a AFI (amniotic fluid index) and a BPP (bio-physical profile).  The AFI is where they would measure the amount of fluid.  The BPP they give a rating out of 8, 2 for each of the following; heart rate, movement (3 small, 1 large), practicing breathing for longer than 30 seconds.  I believe that is all that is measured.  Fluid levels looked great at 10.5 and she scored a 6/8 on the BPP.  She didn't practice her breathing.  Next step was to do a NST (non-stress test).  Here they just hook you up to a monitor and study baby's heart rate and make sure that there are peaks with movement to make sure she is recovering and her heart rate goes back to normal.  They also want to make sure that there aren't any dips in her heart rate.  Where it would fall low, multiple times of this occuring could mean baby is in distress.  Of course she wasn't being cooperative and barely moved the entire NST so that gave them inconclusive results.  So Dr. decided to send me over to the hospital to labor and delivery to make sure that she was doing good.  Which after about an hour or so in the hospital they concluded she was fine and sent me on my way.  So my normal Dr appointment resulted in 4.5 hours of stuff including the hospital.


Dr. wanted me to do all of the testing over again just to be sure so on the 9th I went in to do it all again.  This time she got an 8/8 on her BPP and the fluid level was down to 9.07.  Under 5 is when they would induce and 10 is normal, so as the Dr. put it, I was in the gray zone.  I had a feeling it was the way she was positioned.  They did the NST and there were a few parts where the Dr. wasn't quite sure if there were dips or not (because of the way it printed out on the graph).  She wanted me to come back the next day to do it all over again.  


So there I am on the 10th going through all the tests again.  8/8 on her BPP and fluid is measuring at 14.7.  So I'm guessing I was right on how she was positioned, just not giving a clear shot to measure fluid levels.  This time she was totally cooperating and NST looked great.  However Dr. wanted me back early the next week to check it all again.  So I go back to have it all done again on the 14th.


Getting these all done seem repetitive to me, and now I have to start using the PTO to go to the appointments which leaves less for maternity leave.  But I guess if the Dr. finds it necessary for her health then I will do what I need to do. I appreciate the fact that the Dr. is willing to really pay attention to her.  I hear stories of people going in with issues and they can't get anyone to listen, and here my Dr. is doing things multiple times to make sure that she is safe where she is and there isn't any reason to be concerned.  


I have been preparing myself all weekend that I have probably 2 full weeks left of work.  I really don't see peanut showing up anytime soon, stubborn little girl, so I have to prep my mind to deal with 2 more weeks of work.  Two people's guess have come and gone.  This weeks holds 3 more guesses, we will see if any of that turns out.  


I can't believe how close it has come.  Even if she is overdue by 2 weeks that means there is still only about 20 days or less for her to come.  Cue slight first time mama freak out now.  Brand new  baby, full time work, part time school with only 1 year left to finish.  How do you balance it all?  How do I make sure I am being the best mama to her?  How do I give her all the love and attention she deserves with such a full plate?  How do I make sure her daddy sees her as much as possible being so far away?  I guess how every new mama does it.  Practice, time, less sleep, and a few failures. 

And to conclude my 39 week bump picture.  A few people say that it looks like she has dropped a little.  Makes me feel like its a little closer at least.

If you made it all the way through this post, thanks, I know it got a little long and boring :)

-Mama Lucas